Movie Crush Monday: CT and Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters

Well that has to be the most obnoxious title ever to a blog post. And believe me, dear readers, I've tried everything I can think of to reformat it, but that's about as good as it's going to get. Let's all take a deep breath and move on, trying our best not to look at the multitude of weird grammatical things happening up there...

There's not much I enjoy more than a movie that knows exactly what it is. A movie that says "screw it" to conventions and realism and commits itself 100% to being a crazy good time. Which brings us to our Movie Crush Monday this week:

Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters came out during both "The Year We Had To Watch Every Movie Jeremy Renner Did" and "The Year We All Fell In Love With Gemma Arterton". So OF COURSE we went to see it and OF COURSE we became obsessed and bought a copy the second it came out on DVD.

This movie is completely bonkers from the get-go. The premise is that Hansel and Gretel survived the witch, grew up, and used all of their new-found witch knowledge to travel the countryside and kick absolutely every available witch ass. What countryside, you ask? No one knows! Because the villagers all seem German (or some sort of generic Eastern European, depending on the village),  Gemma Arterton uses her native English accent, and Jeremy Renner makes absolutely zero effort to sound like anything but Hawkeye.

From there, it's an insane hodgepodge of aesthetics and folklores. There's a pretty loose through-line about Hansel and Gretel's mother, and Hansel's romantic relationship with a maybe-witch. And the movie sooorta hits the emotional notes, but they know full-well that what we're all really here for is the awesome special effects, and the ever so quippy one-liners. The movie never takes itself too seriously, and that's the heart of its coolness.

So, if you're looking for an antidote to the unending sadness of most of the awards-season movies out right now, look no further. If only to experience the unique joy of Jeremy Renner growling, "Just don't eat the f***ing candy!"

Much Peace,
CT

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