Caitlin: Save the chocolate

So CT and I are sitting around tonight, waiting for our Thai food to come, when she just casually lobs this information grenade into the conversation "Did you know in ten years chocolate will be so expensive that we won't be able to afford it?"

And she just let that hang there. Like it was nothing. Like her words weren't about to send me into a crying fit that would leave me dehydrated and dry sobbing into my pillow at 4am, clutching a half empty bottle of scotch and licking a reese's wrapper clean.

"It's true. Read it in an article. We're running out of the trees or whatever and soon chocolate will be so expensive that we won't be able to afford the amount that goes into a candy bar." She said, her air of nonchalance reaching intolerable levels.

My voice squeezed painfully as I said "But... but... They can plant more trees, right?" Tears were blurring my vision at this point. I am not emotionally equipped to be deprived of chocolate. It's my favorite vice. I would rather go without sleep or coffee.

So I sat for hours as we watched tv, the back of my head having a silent (to the outside world) conniption. So when grandma CT went to bed at 10 I looked up the great chocolate shortage to figure out how long I had to stockpile for the long winter and...


Chocolate shortage hoax

That's right kids. It's pretty much bullshit. I had a two hour long look at a distopian future devoid of hope and goodness because some Washington post journalist ran out of political sex scandals and decided to terrorize the populace with this poorly researched crock of crap.  I hope Roberto Ferdman gets syphallis. 

Stay cool kids

Little C